Meet Kristina, one of our fantastic New York City tour guides!
Museum Hack: What are three fun facts about you most people don’t know?
In high school, I slipped on a banana peel in the girl’s locker room and fell into a trash can. My dog’s name is Pancakes, he is a public intellectual and my best friend. I co-founded a charitable all-female theater collective called The Shrill Collective, where all proceeds go directly to underserved charities for every show!
Museum Hack: If you had to be trapped in the Museum overnight, what would you do?
I would start by opening a bottle of champagne in one of the Marie Antoinette inspired rooms in the rococo galleries, toast to all of my favorite french ladies, but a special one for Agnes Sorel. I would then work out a Singing in the Rain style dance number through Petri court, perfect moonlight streaming through the glass ceiling, obviously. There would be a point where I use Bernini’s Bacchanal not unlike Gene Kelly used a lamp post. Very gently, of course.
I would then go into the AOA and ever so gently tap the Malekula slit gong. After I had enjoyed the mellow hum of the enormous drums I would go look at the Modern Contemporary wing in the dark, and I would sit on the floor in front of Untitled by Morris Louis and try to find the horizon of the painting and space out with my own thoughts without any guards telling me to stand! Then I would pop into Englehard Court where I would have a raging karaoke party (are people allowed to join me on this? If so, this is where everyone shows up) and hell, I’ll throw in one song from Hamilton (because how could you not) but definitely close with “Here I Go Again.”
Part of me thinks I would wander through Egypt, but I genuinely am a little afraid of how haunted it would be that I’m honestly hesitant. So instead I would wrap the night up by going up to Japan, chant with Fudo Myoo, do some sunrise yoga in Astor court, and finish the morning with a cup of strong coffee in the Moroccan Court then curl up with a good book in the Damascus Room.
Museum Hack: If you could work at any other museum, which one would you choose?
LACMA. Los Angeles is my hometown, and it was the first museum as a teenager that I fell in love with. A friend took me there and showed me her favorite pieces, especially The Central Meridian by Michael C. McMillen, I was blown away that something so interactive could be art. I will never forget sitting in front of David Hockney’s Mulholland Drive or The Jewel by Jay DeFeo for the first time. It is still to this day one of my favorite places in LA.
Museum Hack: If you were to be reincarnated as an animal, which would it be and why?
Well, this feels exceptionally complicated because I have to factor in how is climate change affecting them? Are they endangered? Would I have friends? Do I have to live in captivity? But I think I would either want to be a spider monkey because having a prehensile tail seems super awesome fun times all around, plus I would get to see a tropical forest from the best POV on the planet OR I would want to be some sort of deep sea fish. The cute answer is a dumbo octopus, but let’s be real I want to be an Anglerfish. I want to see the bottom of the ocean and crush the patriarchy by forcing them to sacrificially fuse into me for bodily sustenance.
Museum Hack: If you could have a drink with one person in history for 15 minutes, who would it be with and what are you drinking?
Victoria Woodhull. She marries all of my greatest loves together. Feminism, The Vanderbilts, lady bosses and just a touch woo-woo magic. I think we would drink a very medicinally charged gin elixir. There would without question be herbs and belladonna involved. But mostly gin.